A Family of 3

I figured I would blog one last time before my life turns upside down once again.  I will make this short, but I just have some thoughts and feelings about our upcoming arrival (Piper) and for some reason my fingers are itching to try to get something tangible written about it all.  I am nervous and excited and hopeful and sad and happy and tired and energetic and ecstatic and relieved and jittery and calm and, and.....well, just SO many emotions are swirling around me right now!  I don't know how to express them all or how to make sense of any of them.  But I bet all the mom's reading this "get me" completely.

I have been holding Lucy a little more this week, and treasuring our alone time.  She knows something big is coming.  She is clingier and needier than ever.  She will not let me out of her site for a second and if I go around the corner, she bursts out into tears- real tears, not her dramatic fake cry.  After her naps this week, I have been getting her out of bed and we sit in her rocking chair and cuddle and quietly sing nursery rhymes for about 30 minutes everyday while I scratch her back and we give each other kisses.  And without fail, I cry every day at this time.  My "alone" time with her ends in a few days. As excited as I am for Piper, it breaks my heart at the same time.  Like I said, I can't really make sense of it all.  How do you feel two extreme emotions at opposite ends of the spectrum all at once?  A Mother's heart is a mystery and can hold onto every emotion and feeling possible.  That is a gift and a curse of Motherhood.

I know I have said this before, but I just don't want Lucy to feel left out.  I don't want her to feel that she comes "second" now.  I am SO ready to have another baby and re-live all those wonders that comes with new angels, but if Lucy is sad about any of it, will I be sad too?  This is what I'm nervous for.  I know I think about it too much.  I shouldn't dwell on this.  Everyone has siblings. "She will be fine."  That's what everyone says, and I know she will be.  It's just that she is my EVERYTHING at this point in my life, and it's hard to imagine being able to have 2 little "everything's" here with enough love to go around.

But please don't mistake my hesitation for anything other than what it is.  I am SO ecstatic to have Piper join our family.  We will go from the comfort of being a family of 3, to being a crazy family of 4.  I couldn't be happier!  I am giving Lucy a sister (the one thing I have hoped for my whole life- 2 little girls!) and I will have a sweet baby girl in my arms once again.  My heart wants to explode with happiness when I think about bringing Piper down to our family!  I feel blessed and overjoyed and the anticipation of seeing her face is nearly killing me!  Once again- so full of joy and nerves all at once!

Anyway, I said I would make this short, and of course I didn't.  But like I said, there is just SO MUCH to feel!  So much to write, so much to consider, so much to process.  But I know  that "every little thing is gonna be alright" :)

We can't wait to add to our brood and have two little girls in pigtails and curls running around.  There is nothing sweeter than a newborn baby.

Thank you Heavenly Father.  Please let my sibling-to-be-paranoia  go away and let Lucy feel so much love that she doesn't even notice the divide from today and the 18th (when her sister comes).

Just a few more days as a family of 3.....

 

One of my favorites.  Pure Joy on her face :)

 

I have a feeling the best is yet to come! 

Love you all!