Welcome to the World, Sullivan Michael Gilley

***Warning:  This is long.  It also took me 4 days to write (I couldn't find time to do it all in one sitting) and 3 more days to get posted.  So even though Sullivan's 9 days old at this point, I stopped writing awhile ago... Sorry!  It's also extremely jumbled and unorganized, but I did my best in my current state of crazy.***

     Everyone loves a good birth story….well, I do anyway :) And I feel like my birth story is pretty cool.  Not just the birth part of it, but the me-going-into-labor part and getting my Mom out to NH on time!

     It started on February 15th at 3pm.  I started having some mild back cramps, but figured it was just normal back cramping.  I honestly thought NOTHING of it because I got them every single day.  Around 5pm when we were sitting down for dinner they were starting to hurt a little worse, and it kind of started to worry me because usually they went away after an hour but this time they hadn’t.  Still, they weren't painful, just uncomfortable.  Around that time, my Mom texted me and said “my next flight is delayed for 2 hours so I will miss my connecting flight in NY.”  Something in that text caused my mind to kind of have a little freak out and it was a feeling I got to text her back “YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT A SOLUTION BECAUSE I MIGHT BE IN LABOR.”  Ok, I didn’t text her those exact words, but that’s what I was thinking….. and I honestly didn’t even think that I could be going into labor UNTIL she told me she might miss her flight.  I don't know how to explain it….but something in me must have “known.”  So after I texted her that she HAD to get here, she sent out a bunch of texts asking everyone to pray for her to make her flights, because all of the sudden I think it clicked in BOTH of us that “something” was happening in my body more than just standard cramps.  To make a long story short, she was stuck in Detroit and suddenly lots of people started praying for her to get to me.  Miracle after miracle- everything started clicking into place with her situation…..For example: she had been aimlessly walking the airport when I texted her and told her to look for help, and so she stopped and looked up just at that moment to see a phone at a “help” kiosk.  So she picked it up and asked someone for help. They sent her to a counter where she told the lady “my daughter is in labor and I HAVE to get to New Hampshire tonight.” They said “we have a flight that is completely boarded that can get you there, but we’d have to get you on it within 5 minutes, and first we have to cancel your other flight and rebook you on this flight.”  Do you know how stressful it is to wait for an “ok” when you only have 4 minutes till cut-off?  Well, miraculously, with ONE minute left till cut-off, they said “WE DID IT! Go get on that plane!” (side note: her luggage got lost, and she didn’t get it for 2 days! Annoying….but she eventually got it back).

     Meanwhile, my cramps in my back are bothering me enough that I think, maybe I should just start to time them…. just in case.  So I start timing them and they are about 10 minutes apart for 2 hours.  Shawn tells me it’s time for him to leave for the airport to pick my mom up, which is a 90 minute drive, and it’s POUNDING snow outside.  He asks me if I think I’m in danger of going into labor and I tell him “NO” because I don’t want to freak him out, but in my head, I’m totally freaking out.  He makes the drive very slowly to Manchester (takes him 2 hours) and by that time my contractions have moved to the front and back and are coming every 6-7 minutes.  So now I’m worried.  Husband and Mom are far away, it’s midnight, my girls are in bed and Winter Storm Olympia has officially hit us hard.  So I pray.  I pray that IF i’m going into labor, PLEASE let my mom and husband get home to me first.  Please, please, PLEASE!  

     Suddenly….my contractions start slowing down.  They start coming every 10 minutes, then every 15 minutes and I breathe a sigh of relief thinking it was all just false labor and now my mom and husband will be here and I can be induced on Thursday like we planned so that my mom can watch my birth, etc. etc.   Shawn and my Mom announce that they are an hour away at this point and then my contractions start up again….I have 10 minutes in between 3 of them….. Mom and Shawn are 30 minutes away….. Then my contractions drop down to every 6 minutes and once again, I tell my Mom this could be it “again.”  Shawn and my Mom FINALLY get home and it’s 1:30 in the morning. Shawn says "we should try to sleep because its so late and since they had slowed down so much earlier, perhaps it’s just false labor and lets sleep so that we have energy for real labor."  Unfortunaletly, Sully had different plans.   'Cause suddenly they were starting to really hurt in the FRONT pretty badly. You know, REAL contractions…  Right when my mom walked into my bedroom is when they got to the point where I had to start my breathing exercises during them.  Still, they weren’t as painful as I thought they’d be if it was the “real thing” so I said good night to my mom, and as she is walking out of my room at 2:15 in the morning and I’m laying in bed, I feel lots of warmth and wetness in my pants….. I honestly thought I must have peed my pants.  I didn’t have a full bladder at all, but I thought “I bet Sullivan hit my bladder hard and I peed myself.”  Shawn was about to use the bathroom but I busted open the door and said "you'll have to wait your turn.  I think I have to pee.  I either just peed my pants or my water broke."  I go to the bathroom and when I pull down my pants I realize they are REALLY wet.  And there is no scent.  This isn’t potty….. this is my water breaking!  So Shawn walks into Ninny’s bedroom just 2 minutes after she had said good night to me and says “Britt’s water just broke.” Haha, Ninny was shocked, and I was beyond surprised.    Suddenly the contractions that I had were coming hard.  I showered, changed my sheets (didn’t want to bring a baby home to dirty sheets!) and we made our way out to the car, which was already buried in snow AGAIN and we had about a foot in our driveway- this is not an exaggeration.  It’s 2:45 in the morning at this point and it took us almost an hour to get to the hospital because of the storm.  There were moments I didn’t think we’d make it in our little car, and my contractions were suddenly SO painful, I was bruising Shawn’s thighs as he was driving, or slamming my hands on the center console during each one.  The contractions dropped to intervals of 3 minutes when we were only about halfway to the hospital, and 2 minutes when we still had about 15 minutes to go.  That snow was SO thick and dangerous, I know Shawn was beyond stressed.  I tried to keep calm between my contractions and reassure him “we will make it with plenty of time,” but meanwhile I’m so worried about delivering my baby in the car because- holy heck- these contractions were killing me!  We finally, blessedly got to the hospital and ran into the ER and as we were waiting for them to unlock the door I just dropped to my knees on the concrete until another contraction ended. After they let us in, they rushed me up into my room and the nurse who is pushing me in the wheelchair is coaching my breathing. In between contractions I got dressed (as I’m still gushing more amniotic fluid with each contraction) and quickly they're putting an IV in me and soon enough I’m finally in the birthing bed and they’re checking my cervix and they announce “wow- you’re at an 8 to an 8 1/2.”  I'm beyond excited because I was expecting to be at a 4 maybe....not almost to the end! They ask me if I want an epidural because, yes, I could have one but it would have to be NOW.  I refused because, yes, the contractions HURT, but as long as I breathed through them they seemed pretty manageable and I was determined to do this birth drug free.  I sort of feel like I cheated on my other births.  With Piper, I didn't even break a sweat.  I pushed 3 times and she came out.  With Lucy, my epidural ran out right before she came out because I pushed for 3 hours, but I still had one to help with the pain for the hours before her arrival.  This time I wanted to give birth from start to finish DRUG FREE.  I wanted the WHOLE experience from going into labor on my own to birthing my baby on my own.  
     Ok….. fast forward to when I’m almost a 10 (about 30 minutes later, which at this point was 5am) and I’m SCREAMING in pain and I am mean and irritable. I’m telling Shawn not to say a WORD during my contractions other than counting them down for me so I know when I will have a break, and I’m sweating and nurses are giving me ice on my forehead and I’m bawling and I’ve never felt anything so painful in my LIFE!  I wanted to die.  I really did.  I was out of control.  Seriously- I lost it.  I was such a mess, haha!  If I would have been in this much pain when I checked into the hospital, I would have gotten that epidural ASAP.  I didn’t know the difference in pain going from an 8 to a 9 was SO INTENSE.  I needed an Oxygen mask because I literally COULD NOT breathe.  My eyes were rolling back in my head, the nurses were holding a bag up to me because I was gagging as if I was gonna throw up.  I mean, women have unmedicated births every single day. I don’t know why my body couldn’t handle this.  When they told me to push I told them I couldn’t. I kept crying just begging for an epidural that wouldn’t come….it was too late!  They would tell me I HAD to push and I would tell them “NO!  Just wait, I can’t do it, I can’t do it yet!”  I asked if I could just push on my side or with my legs straight out because pulling my legs back hurt me SO much, it was unbearable.  I just kept saying “SOMETHING’S WRONG! There has to be another way to get him out!”  And I even asked for a C-Section at one point…..Hahaha, it’s comical to me now.  But I thought I was dying.  I have never been in so much pain, and I will never do that ever again!  I know Sullivan is a big baby, but surely I acted a thousand times worse than other Mom’s who have had even bigger babies!  When they could finally see his head, I asked for a mirror because I felt that was the only way I’d be able to focus on the prize and get him out.  

     Sure enough, eventually, it happened.  I saw his black hair (a ton of it!) and it was what I needed to push, push, PUSH him out.  I don’t know how many pushes it took.  I know I pushed for about an hour because I took many, many breaks.  There were some contractions where I was practically having seizures and I couldn’t position my body to push.  It was bizarre! It was the worst pain I will ever endure, but then- holding that squishy, damp little body was beyond rewarding.  His head coming out looked SO cool! I saw his face before he even took a breath and it looked almost fake.  His cord was wrapped around his neck, so I watched them carefully unwrap it before they told me to push again to get the shoulders through.  I pushed again with all my might and out he came.  Purple, puffy and beautifully perfect.  They laid him on me and Shawn and I both cried and cried.  Our son was here.  Our baby boy whom we waited for for SO LONG was here on my belly instead of inside of my belly.  They were patting his back to get him to cry as he was already on my belly, and once he gave us a few good cries, they started wiping him off and calling out his Apgar scores.  My doctor told me to deliver the placenta and obediently I pushed it out but never took my eyes fully off of Sullivan. I was only looking at him and studying his face and the rest of the world just fades out…. It was as if we were alone in that room.  Just us for a small moment in time.  Just me crying because I went from being in such intense pain to witnessing Heaven and Earth meeting in my arms in a matter of beautiful seconds and my emotions were uncontrollable.

     Then, the clamp went on the umbilical cord and Shawn cut it and just like that, my baby is no longer a part of me, physically.  40 long, long weeks, and in the blink of an eye, he’s his own person.  He isn’t attached to me anymore.  He isn’t safe in my womb, sharing my belly and my nutrients.  But the trade-off to that is the most remarkable gift from Heavenly Father, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

     So at 6:15am on February 16, 2016, my baby boy decided to make his grand entrance into the world and into my waiting arms.  He is beyond beautiful.  He has big cheeks and a big round pot belly with a tiny little waist.  He came out with rolls in his thighs already.  He had squishy legs and arms, but today (5 days out) the squish is a little bit gone and his legs are skinny newborn legs and his arms feel so fragile in their wrinkly skin.  He has fuzzy ears and shoulders and even a fuzzy lower back.  And the funny part is, it’s all black hair :) He’s a “Smidt” baby much more than a “Gilley” baby.  From his sonogram, it seemed as though he would look just like his sisters, but then he came out and he didn't look like them.  He looks more like me, and since he’s a Mama’s boy, that’s A-OK with me!  He is big, but to me, he didn’t look THAT big! I said to Shawn “I bet he is only 8 pounds.”  Shawn’s guess was that he would be 8lbs 5 oz.  When the nurse laid him on the scale and 8lbs 14oz came up, I just laughed at his chunkiness!  It was so funny! I LOVE IT!

     Because he is “so big” and larger than average newborns, they had to prick his heel to test his blood sugar right away, and it was at 40, which is the cut-off for low blood sugar.  If it was 39 or lower, they would have had to give him an IV!  So sad!  So they told me to feed him as long as I could and they’d prick him again to make sure his body is doing what it’s supposed to do.  And- YAY- it was up to 46 two hours later.  The next day they had to check one last time and it was up to 57.  So his body was storing it correctly and working great!

Here are some more stories of our hospital stay:

• The girls came to visit him when he was a mere 6 hours old.  I just LOVE it when my babies meet each other for the first time; 3 little beings that you helped create and love more than anything in the entire world coming together to meet for the first time is such a special moment in time.  My mom told me that when Lucy woke up that morning, Ninny gathered her and Piper up and told them that Sullivan had been born and Lucy was SOOO excited!  My mom showed them pictures of Sully on her cell phone and they kept saying "ooooh, he's so cuuuute!"  I wish I could have been there to witness their excitement at hearing about their brother being born, but seeing them light up with love and affection when they "met" him at the hospital was definitely something that will stay in my heart forever.  What sweet big sisters they are to this little guy!
• Sullivan got circumsized on Thursday morning and they said he hardly cried at all! Yay baby boy!  Sad for Mommy and Daddy- we didn’t want to watch!
• He hated his first bath at the hospital!
• He didn’t sleep the first night, but did MUCH better the second night.
• He latched onto me within minutes after birth and breastfed like a champ and hasn’t missed a beat since.  He has been, by far, my easiest breastfed baby!  It’s incredible!
• Daddy and him watched a Duke vs. UNC game in the hospital and unfortunately, UNC lost in the very last second of the game!  BUMMER!
• Shawn brought me a lot of McDonald’s breakfast burritos while in the hospital, because hospital food is….. not that great.
• Sully was discharged from the hospital weighing in at 8lbs 4oz.

Now some weekly summaries:

• We got home on Thursday afternoon and the girls were SO excited to have him come home! They pulled up chairs to him before I could even take him out of his carseat and started reading books to him :)
• Piper had a really tough night on Friday night and it made me cry.  I expected her to take longer to adjust than Lucy, but it’s still emotional as a Mom to watch your other “baby” have anxiety or hurt feelings as we all are adjusting.
• Lucy had a tough day on Sunday.  She was trying to be so brave on Sunday morning when she came into my room asking if I, specifically, could make her breakfast.  Her lip quivered and she just needed some Mommy time.  I hate that I have to split my time because I know all 3 of my babies need me, but unfortunately, Sullivan needs me the most right now because I’m the only one who can feed him.
• Sullivan has had 2 really good nights in his little life, and 3 really bad nights…. I am not sure what tonight will bring, but I’m hoping it’s better than last night.  I know that 2 out of the 3 bad nights, I had eaten popcorn before bed so I think that affected him?  I haven’t had anything that should cause gas today, so I’m praying for a peaceful night!  It’s so hard to see your baby squirm and SCREAM for hours on end because they have tummy aches!
• He went to his 3 day check-up and had already gained 4 ounces (weighed 8lbs 8oz) and his doctor chuckled because they said most babies don’t gain weight at all before their 3 day check ups and Sully had already gained 4oz.  Haha, he LOVES to eat.  He is a chunky hunk, thats for sure!
• On one of his tough nights, he was screaming so much and was just so antsy and upset that his belly cord fell off!  It wasn’t supposed to fall off this early, I assume, because it was only day 4.  Usually they don’t fall off until they are about 9-10 days old.  Shawn and I kind of freaked out, but I think everything is ok.
• He loves to eat every 2 hours.  Sometimes at night, he will go 3 hours.  But usually it’s 2 hours on the dot.  He will wake up right at the 2 hour mark and that’s that!  He is seriously the best eater EVER- have I mentioned that yet? ;)

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I wish I had time to kind of wrap things up now that it's been 9 days, but I don't.  Not even sure when my next post will be.  But at least I got the birth part down.  At least I got some facts about the best day ever.  And at least I get to go hold my sweet baby in my arms right now and fall in love all over again like I do every time I hold him or even just gaze at him.  He still has heaven just emanating from him.  He is the definition of bliss.

Good night everyone.  Included are pictures just of this guys' first week.  If I included pictures from his whole life so far (all 9 days of it), the blog would probably crash from an overload! Eeek, he's just too much!

Going home! Snug as a bug!

Here we go.....

Shawn's first time holding his son 

 So in love with her new brother

  

"You'll never have a better friend
Or a warmer touch to tuck you in
She'll kiss your bruises, your bumps and scrapes
And anytime you hurt, her heart's gonna break.
When she's talking to you
Make sure you listen close
'Cause she's gonna teach you everything
You'll ever need to know
Like how to mind your manners
To love and laugh and dream
And she'll put you on the path
That'll bring you back to Me.
So, hush now little baby don't you cry
'Cause there's someone down there waiting
Whose only goal in life
Is making sure you're always gonna be alright
A loving angel, tender, tough and strong
Come on child
It's time to meet your mom."

One week ago today this bundle from heaven joined our family. He decided to come quickly (once my water broke everything happened FAST), but he didn't come easily.... To be honest, even though I had an unmedicated birth, I changed my mind about all that "no-drug" stuff while in the final phase of labor and was pleading for an epidural during those last moments before he was here (looking back, I'm thankful I didn't get one even though I felt like I was gonna die, haha). But man, that pain? Beyond worth it. I did the epidural thing with my daughters so this was a whole new experience for me! And no, I was not brave or tough during it AT ALL, but the end result was more rewarding than I can even put into words. I can not stop staring at him and smelling him and kissing his sweet mouth all day. You sort of forget how intense this "new mom" love feels until you experience it all over again. He is such an angel and I never knew my heart was even missing a piece until he filled it. My life is complete. #MamasBoy #MyAngel #7DaysNew

nighttime vs. daytime➡ We've gotta reverse your sleeping schedule sweet boy... #SleepsAllDay#UpAllNight

Every few minutes each morning they "sneak" into my room (as if I can't hear them) to check if he's awake yet. And if he is.... The cooing, petting, squeals and kisses begin 😍 #BestBigSisters#BestLittleBrother