The Pi Baby

Piper Everly. I thought I couldn’t love you quite as much.... I was scared. I didn’t think I had it in me. For 9 months I prayed that I would be able to love you as much as I loved your sister.... and then, with Christmas music playing in the background and snow swirling outside our hospital room, they placed you on me, heart to heart, and it was magical. Every fear, every doubt about “maybe not loving you as much” was completely erased. The love that I felt for you was spilling out of me. It was pure, overwhelming, and beautiful. Thank you for being the first one to teach me that I have the greatest capacity to MULTIPLY my love- more than I even knew. And I hope you can feel that love, every single day. Happy birthday my sweetie Pi.💖#️⃣8️⃣

Having started this post with all the love in my heart professed for this little lady, now I’ll finish up the post with the events of the day.

Today was PACKED from start to finish🤪. Kicking my feet up beside our fire and relaxing, finally! For now I’ll just post about Pi (since it’s her day!) and soon I’ll catch up with the rest ☺️.

Piper had a great day! A few tears along the way (isn’t that how it always goes!?) but for the most part, just a fun, HAPPY birthday! Thank you to everyone who has helped her feel loved {and spoiled}! 🧁☕️⛸🎁🎈#️⃣8️⃣ 

We decided that because of Covid, an outdoor party would be best. But because Oklahoma’s weather is so bi-polar, we couldn’t plan anything at a park or just in the backyard. This is her 5th birthday here and we’ve had one where the weather was in the teens, one where the weather was 80, and the rest have ranged from 30’s to 60’s. Oklahoma is so unpredictable! We settled on ice skating for the Pi Baby and her closest friends and it was a hit! The girls had so much fun! It was 54 for the high, but zero sunshine and lots of wind, so it felt much colder than that! But we came prepared with hot chocolate and with all the girls moving around so much they actually got hot! She asked for an ice skating theme on cupcakes and the “virtual invitations” and it turned out cute! It’s funny how most of the girls at this party have known each other since Pre-K and we all go to each other’s parties, so this little girl gang is extra close! The Moms are pretty great as well. It’s been fun seeing my girls get to grow up with their friends that they’ve known since before they could even read. And all of them have known Sully since he was just a baby!

 

Anyway. Some things about Piper.... She is taking piano lessons from me. I’ll teach her first year and then let someone else teach after that. She’s behind now (homeschooling during the day, then having lessons at night was too much, and THEN breaking her arm has haulted things but we will start again in January). She is super smart- school comes so easily to her. Oftentimes I think she must’ve done an assignment wrong during our homeschool because it was supposed to take her 20 min and she’s done in 5. So I’ll go back and check and expect to see mistakes but nope! She really did finish and everything is correct! She’s a perfectionist! She loves to be in charge of everyone and everything. When her brother and sister challenge her, which happens daily, she flips out. So her being smart and in control of her schoolwork is good for her. She loves to play outside. She’d live outside if I let her! She’s absolutely gorgeous, but also so cute at the same time! Her little button nose and blonde hair get me every time!

Now... having said all that. She’s had a tough year. Her attitude has been hard for me to deal with. But I don’t want her to read this someday and feel bad about it. Because I’ve had a tough year too. 98% of the world has. I’ve probably been the worst Mom to these kids than any year past. Lost my patience too many times to count. Yelled too much. Let little insults become the way I spoke to them regularly. I’ve cut them down because emotionally I felt like I didn’t have it in me to just suck it up and keep my cool. I found myself saying mean things to them too often- like “oh my gosh! You are being soooo annoying!” And “please stop talking so much- you never stop!” And “WHY can’t you JUST behave?? You’re soooo disobedient!” “You’re always so cranky.” “You’re always disrespectful!” I’ve said those things. Too many times to count. And I know it’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t cut my kids down like that!! I’m the adult and they are mimicking how I treat them. How can I expect them to be sweet and nice when I’ve been horrible? 2020 has caused my Mom guilt to spiral out of control. My temper has flared. My feelings have been hurt because of them lashing out at me, so I retaliate... that’s not good behavior! My emotions have been a roller coaster.... and Piper’s as well. Since March. When Covid hit the U.S. That’s most of the year. We’ve clashed MOST OF THE YEAR. It’s been beyond hard. I remember 7 being a really hard year with Lucy too. 2nd grade in general. It was so tough. Now throw quarantine, Covid, masks, restrictions everywhere you look, a Mother who suffers from anxiety and a child who suffers from anxiety as well in the mix and it’s not going to turn out very well. Most people say their marriage was tested during quarantine; mine wasn’t at all. But my relationship with my kids was. There really is a fine line between wanting to be with people, and spending too much time with people. Not having space from my kids has been hard on me and hard on them, even if they don’t know it. And it’s played out in the form of anger and frustration. It HAS to change!

My intention with this post was not to turn this into a therapy session but I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing! Oops! I guess what I’m trying to say is that the truth about this year is it was ugly. It was sad and hard and my 7 year old daughter and my 33 year old self didn’t come out stronger. We are still grieving and stressed and worried and, to be perfectly honest, just sad a lot. Of course there has been fun times and happiness that I felt in my heart and soul. But the overall mood of the year has been sorrow and despair. I know some people are against resolutions, but my resolution for 2021 is to be a better Mom. Be the Mom I was before Covid. The Mom who didn’t wake up dreading each day (mostly just the homeschool days). The Mom who was excited to spend extra time with my kids rather than the Mom who CAN’T WAIT for alone time. I want Piper to feel happiness more often than sadness. I want school to resume because she’s so much happier in school. I want her to know that my love for her runs deep, even though this year has caused me to become irritable more often than I’d like. I want all of my kids to forget how maybe Mommy had an extra moody 9 months. Because it’s been rough. I made sure to be present on her birthday; to make sure I didn’t lose it with Pi. To make certain she felt special. To not speak a word about Covid, but just to focus all of our attention on this 8 year old and all the goodness bringing her into the world created. And I think we succeeded. I truly do.

So....Happy birthday to this gorgeous 8 year old! My Pi Baby. Our Sweetie Pi/Pumpkin Pi/Sugar Pi. We REALLY love you!

And NOW..... the Christmas countdown can begin!!🎄❤️❄️💚⛄️ 🎅🏼

P.S. I totally forgot to post about Piper’s arm!

We spent the morning of Dec. 13th at Urgent Care because my sweetie Pi tripped over a toy the night before and fractured her little arm! We didn’t know if they’d cast it or not until later in the week when they ordered more X-rays; they had to wait for the swelling to go down to examine it better. But she was SO proud of her little sling, it was adorable! It only lasted a day though before she hated it!

Anyway, 36 hours later we went to the orthopedic and after more super painful X-rays (I hated that part!), the doctor determined this cutie’s arm needed to be casted! And she LOVED it the first day! {Thank goodness it’s completely water-proof!}.

This girl has had a busy 2020! We kicked off the new year needing a root canal and a silver tooth🙈. In February her top front teeth came out early due to broken roots. In May she had a tonsillectomy. In November she had an infected abscess on her gums which also lead to a tooth being pulled, and now she’s fractured her arm 🤣 Between me and our 3 kids, we’ve been to hospitals at least a dozen times this year! Hoping 2021 is boring for all of us.... and less expensive... 🥴