Sullivan Michael Gilley

Oh my sweet, ornery boy.  How can you be five?! F.I.V.E. 5! A whole hand! How is it possible? My thoughts today will be so jumbled and flighty because I don't know how to articulate what's going on in my mind! He's supposed to be my baby. All I've known of him so far is him being a baby and a toddler.  How am I supposed to deal with him being a kid now? I know that sounds weird and it's really abstract so it's hard to put into words. But it's almost like I don't know how to just be a Mom of a boy that's a kid and not a baby; how to be a mom of 3 kids with no babies here anymore.  When Lucy turned 5, I still had a 3 year old and a 3 month old behind her. So although I remember thinking 5 was big, I didn't really think about how big of a milestone it was.  I was still completely immersed in toddlerhood and infancy.  When Piper turned 5, I still had a 2 year old and he was oh-so-terrible so everything in my life revolved around just surviving. There wasn't even any time to THINK about how my kids were growing up because I was in the trenches with him. I've been so busy having my life revolve around babies and toddlers for the past decade that I never even considered that maybe I'd feel a certain kind of way when Sully turned 5 and suddenly there WEREN'T any babies and toddlers within these walls anymore.  But here I am.  I'm actually at my kitchen table with him sitting across from me, playing with Candy Land characters by himself in a Spiderman costume.  I'm watching him and there's a pinch in my chest because he's just so big.  His chubby cheeks aren't quite so round. His plump fingers are thinning out.  His delicious doughy thighs are gone. He wears boxer briefs instead of diapers.  His feet aren't thick blocks anymore- they've thinned out enough that you can now see the bones in them, rather than just have them be these squishy blocks that I could nibble on. Turning 5 seems to be the year that children completely transform physically.  They literally grow out of their toddler bodies and get "kid bodies." My role as a Mother has been to diaper and lotion, rock and feed, dress and hold babies for an entire decade.  Now I'm in this transitional phase.  No more strollers.  No more infant carseats.  No more diapers.  No more wagons.  No more baby monitors or burp rags.  I'm done with all of that. It's weird to me, to be honest.  I think I now know why lots of women wait 5 years in-between kids.  I used to think it was strange.  Why would anyone want their kids so far apart in age? But now I think I've figured it out.  When your "baby" turns 5, it's hard.  And you can't help but miss their newborn days ferociously.  So they start to think - "I need another baby." Now, in my case, I can't have anymore kids. And if I'm being honest, I wouldn't necessarily want to start over.  I'm tired. I gave EVERYTHING I HAD to my kids when they were babies- every ounce of energy was spent on them and I have never lived around family to help so the only "breaks" I had was when we visit family.  I've done it all myself.  Plus, the majority of the years have been with a husband who travels so much and it was just me and the kids.  I don't think I have it in me to raise a 4th child.  We knew we were done when I was still pregnant with Sully.  I've had his whole life to know he was it for us.  The last one.  But it doesn't change the fact that I wish I could go back in time to those early days and scoop him up while smelling his baby breath and baby skin.  To feel his silky hair between my fingers.  To nuzzle into his warm neck.  To put my finger in his palm and feel his delicate hand wrap around it.  If I could go back for awhile, I would. Those are the memories that cause me to ache inside because that's all they are; memories.  I can't ever go back.  But I would if I could.

Now he's 5 and he frequently uses phrases like "hey bro." And "what's up dude." Him and Shawn have a handshake they do together.  He knows how to play Go Fish, Twister and Candy Land.  His favorite color alternates between green, blue and red daily.  He's beyond obsessed with Monster Trucks.  He loves Ghost Busters and tries to pretend that ghosts are in our house and he needs to get rid of them.  He LOVES the hot-tub.  He's really, really good at Legos- very advanced for his age. He knows how to feed the dogs.  He's riding a big-boy bike (ok, he still has training wheels, but still!).  He swims WITHOUT floaties.  He has daily chores and actually DOES THEM! He has friends now.  He's learning all these awesome social skills that have completely transformed his personality.  He went from always following his sisters around to now, actually wanting to interact with other kids.  He was slow to socialize with others.  Pre-K helped him break out of his shell and it has been so fun to watch his social personality develop! It has also taught him how to write his name- he was late in the game on that one too but he can finally do it! He can do ninja moves on the trampoline and he's a pro at front flips! He's really into being "helpful" these days, which is precious.  He is eager to clean his room and pick up his clothes if I tell him it would mean a lot to me. He is happy to unload the silverware in the dishwasher and loves to help me mop.  He's also super into cuddling.  While I've been blessed with 2 daughters who could snuggle ALL DAY LONG, this boy was always done after only a few seconds. Now he's constantly asking me if I'll snuggle with him on the couch, and he lays there for a long time.  He's still hyper as ever 97% of the time.  When I say bouncing off the walls, I truly mean that- I feel like he bounces around like a ball. Watching him go-go-go is exhausting! But he's really turning into such a sweetheart.  And he's playing by himself more and more these days, which gives me a chance to actually shower without being interrupted (some days) and get things done.  Not always, but we're getting there.  Somedays he wants to be left alone for blocks at a time (and I get SO much done!) and somedays he's attached at my hip still. My girls are still needy too, even at their ages.  So there's not a day that goes by that I'm completely left alone. But it's so much different than it used to be. My role as a Mama is shifting in a big-way.

For his 5th birthday we were stuck at home. Although it was a school day, we're home in the middle of the biggest ice-storm in Oklahoma's history. We had the coldest Valentines Day on record. We have set record after record! Valentine's Day was 10 for the high, -1 for the low.  Monday the 15th was 7 for the high and -13 for the low.  And his birthday was 16 for the high and 9 for the low.  So there was no going to parks like we usually do.  We couldn't go on walks or play with his new outdoor toys that he got, and it looks like its going to be at least a week before we can get out and enjoy some fresh air! He was bummed because he wanted to go to school on his birthday and have cupcakes or cookies with his friends.  He won't get any special treatment at school because of this either. The kids will be home-schooling for another week due to these temps.  But at least it's a birthday of his we will always remember! 

It started with breakfast in bed- he woke up before us and he stayed up in his room but called me on my Alexa at 7:04. I had my alarm set for 7:30 because he has been waking up around 8 these days, but when my phone started ringing so loud at 7 I was so confused.  It said Shawn was calling me, but Shawn was laying in bed asleep next to me.  I didn't understand what was happening but I answered and there was Sully, telling me he was awake and wanted me to bring him his breakfast. I was cracking up! I don't even know how to call people on our Alexa's but apparently my 5 year old does! Sully is also not a big eater in the mornings.  He usually waits to eat until he's been up for about an hour, so we brought him breakfast, he ate 1 bite of sausage, and then he was ready to go back downstairs to see his birthday surprises. He ran down, played with the balloons and then began begging me to let him open his gifts immediately. It was only 8am. But he was homeschooling and technically the homeschool days don't start until 9. So we let him open 3 gifts.  That made him happy for about 30 minutes.  Then he began begging for more.  I told him he had to wait until "school" was over and even though I resisted giving into his thousands of pleas for more presents, right at 12:30 (ON THE DOT) he demanded that we get to start since school was over.  So presents were opened and then the FaceTime calls started coming in.  He was a mess! The kids were fighting over his presents, he was territorial and didn't even want his sisters LOOKING at his gifts, and between the fighting and the distraction, the calls weren't great.  I felt so bad because his sweet grandparents and great grandparents took time out of their days to call him, yet he wasn't having it. I'm SO sorry you guys. I was so embarrassed!

Anyway, after he played for a few hours we did the Piñata.  We can't figure out if he will be a left-handed batter or a right-handed batter, but he's pretty good at whacking it either way :) His dinner that he requested was tacos and French fries, so that's what we had :) 

And then, my Monster-Truck OBSESSED, dinosaur loving, Ghost Buster fanatic, and ‘all things Spider-Man’ boy who’s never seen an episode of Batman in his life begged for a Batman cake....So Batman it was! I brought it home from the bakery and set it in the oven to get it out of the way. Well, to preheat the oven for the taco shells, I forgot the cake was in there until I started to smell burning. I remembered the cake and flew to the oven just expecting the worst, but thankfully only the box had started to burn. The cake's frosting had melted a tiny bit on the sides, but it wasn't enough that Sully even noticed, thank GOODNESS. Usually I bake their cakes myself, but with homeschooling and all that I just didn't have the time this year. Thankfully the bakery was still open, despite our foot of snow and negative temps! (Thanks Winter Storm Viola). Yesterday was a doozy and I was exhausted by the end of the day! But man, I love that boy somethin’ fierce!

(Before it melted a bit....)

I made a slideshow for his birthday set to the sweetest songs about little boys, and although it's too long to post on here, it is a treasure to me. I watch it and cry every single time! The pictures and memories I have of him over the 5 years of his life are beyond precious. I thank Heavenly Father every day for blessing me with a son. Happy birthday to my Sully boy. I love you more than all the leaves on all the trees. 

My Forever Valentine

Everyone’s sharing their stories so here is ours in a nutshell. On this day in 2009..... My sister had a guy friend in Louisiana who I had never met. He had seen pictures of me on her Facebook and, intrigued, asked if I had a boyfriend. At the time I did not. All of my girl friends were in relationships except for me and they were going out but I wanted to stay home and sulk. Anyway, he asked her for our address and later that night I had a huge bouquet of white lilies delivered to me with a note that said “every girl deserves flowers on Valentine’s Day.” I had no clue who this guy was, only that he was friends with Coley. But I felt like I owed him a phone call to thank him and when I called him we hit it off instantly! The rest is history... We dated long distance for awhile before he moved up to Idaho and was engaged 9 months later and married 6 months after that. We might have moved fast, but it’s because we just knew... and he’s been my Valentine since that night 12 years ago. So happy Valentine’s Day to this man who swears he loved me before he even met me I’m so thankful you took a chance, Shawn!

We also did get the kids little treats and Shawn woke up and made them pink heart shaped pancakes.  They didn't have school because it was Sunday, so the parties were delayed this year. 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

P.S. Nana Smidt sends us Valentine's Day money every year for goodies, and this year we used it for Hot Chocolate Bombs! I didn't take any pictures, just videos that I can't upload, unfortunately. But basically you put a delicious ball of Chocolate that is full of marshmallows and chocolate powder in a mug, pour steaming hot milk over it, and the ball opens and melts and makes the richest, most delicious cup of hot chocolate ever!  So, thank you Nana and Pops!!!

P.P.S.  Although this is a Valentine's Day post, I'll post pictures of our Snowmagedden that we lived through. It was 2 weeks of PURE ice and a TON of snow (I detailed more of it in Sully's birthday post).  It was so insanely cold and dreary!  One day I threw boiling water into the air and it turned into ice/snow instantly.  It was SO cool!  We also tried to freeze huge balloons full of water to make giant marbles but it didn't quite work for us, haha.  But it was 2 weeks of Distance Learning because no one could leave their homes (we didn't even get snow days! So unfair!), rolling power outages (to help slow the rate of electricity to make it last!), rolling natural gas outages, rolling water outages, etc.  Each outage that was planned was only about an hour and they had to do it, otherwise they'd literally run out of electricity and natural gas and water all together. It was insane. You could sit on your bum and slide down the street because it was literally just THICK ice on every surface.  The kids were "skating" all around the streets and on our driveway because you could slide as far as you wanted no matter what shoes you were wearing. Our shower in the master bedroom froze for 2 days and we had to shower in the girls' bathroom and our heating bill just came..... and ouch!  When it hit -20 for 3 days in row, you know it's bad....

It was a Winter Storm we will never forget. Not just "one of the worst in Oklahoma history" but literally THE worst. Ever. Now I'm just tired of "making history" and I want life to go back to normal!  Can I get an amen?!

Piper's Valentines Day party at school.  Her teacher was the only one who took any photos of the kids.  So sad I couldn't be there at any of their parties :(

Monster Jam!

I'm back! It's been a month and I told myself that I was going to quit blogging after Sully's 5th birthday (next week) but then I started to feel guilty that I missed out on a big event in his life and I want it for the memory books.  And that lead me to think "well, there are going to be a lot of 'big events' in life that you'll want to have published and preserved for memories, so quitting the blogging world cold turkey sounds like a sad idea."  Therefore, this is going to be the year that I only blog about events that I think we need to hold onto in our memories :). I truly don't have time to blog as much as I used to!

But this most current event that I'm talking about is Monster Jam.  Yes- the big Monster Trucks that crush cars and shake the buildings that they are in- the ones that used to be only popular among a "certain kind of crowd" (aka, rednecks, if I'm being honest, hahaha!).  Now, Monster Trucks are all the rage among kids.  It's INSANE! Go walk through any toy aisle in any store and you'll see Monster Trucks galore! Sully has quite the collection!

And, if you know my boy, you know he lives and BREATHES Monster Trucks. This is an obsession that might just be bigger than my girls’ obsession with “Frozen” and “My Little Pony” at his age... When Tulsa cancelled their Monster Jam show back in March, he cried and cried. 9 months later, Shawn found one in Houston, Texas and surprised him with it. Shawn said he literally couldn’t contain his excitement when they walked into the ‘Pit Party’ and he saw the trucks in front of him. He was, quite frankly, freaking out! (The Pit Party was an add-on that we purchased because it's where you get to walk around and see all the trucks just a few feet away from you. You also get to take your little Monster Trucks that you've brought from home and play in the actual dirt piles that the BIG real trucks drive on!)

When we told him where he was going only 2 days before they left, picture Kevin McCallister excitedly running around the house when he thinks he made his family disappear in Home Alone. Sully was ECSTATIC. He told me he had “the most ginormously best day EVER!” after it was all over. He was literally in Heaven. If you ever see him, ask him to tell you the names of the Monster Trucks he likes best. You might not be able to get him to stop talking So happy for this little boy! (And his dad )

Shawn is a sentimental guy when it comes to his kids and he told me he was almost in tears when he was watching Sully's excited face throughout the day. It sounds like it was the best day ever!

*Little story that is funny and frustrating all at the same time! 2 days before the event, I realized that Sully had nothing "Monster Truck-ish" to wear! All his clothes with trucks on them are PJs. So I searched Amazon to find one that would hopefully be delivered in time before they left. Shawn told me they had to leave for the airport at 1pm. I thought "oh good, Amazon always delivers around 12pm so we will be good to go!" Well, in true Shawn fashion (he does this EVERY SINGLE TRIP WE TAKE) he gets anxious and comes up with excuses why actually we need to leave earlier than normal. I kept asking him to just wait because Sully's shirts said "out for delivery" and I wanted him to have them SO badly! But no. Shawn is weird in that way and he knows that this is a trait of his that drives me nuts. We always get to airports way too early and sit and wait around forEVER. Anyway, he forced us all to leave extra early and when we were halfway to the airport my phoned buzzed that Sully's shirts had been delivered (it was at 12:30 so we barely missed it!). I asked if we could turn around because they'd still get to the airport SO early, but "no! We're already halfway there- I'm not wasting gas to turn around. Then we will for sure be late." Fast forward 20 minutes and I drop the boys off at the airport (so early!) and decide "you know what? I'm going to go back to our house, get the shirts and bring them back to the airport." (Also- the airport was a ghost town. No line for anything so yeah, they got to their gate over an hour early, and that's when I just keep my mouth shut because if I said "I TOLD you we didn't have to leave so early." or "see- we could have turned around!" it would just make him mad). So I zipped my lips and drove home, retrieved the shirts off my porch, drove back to the airport with 2 sisters that were surprisingly encouraging me to do this for their brother and called Shawn telling him "I need you to come back out through security to get these shirts." He didn't want to go through security all over with Sully, so he went up to someone working near the security gates, told them his wife had something he needed for the trip, and would they mind letting me go inside and giving it to someone at the check-in desks to bring it to him? They said "no she doesn't have to go over there. We will go out and get it from her." Perks of living in a friendly place, right?! The security workers came and got the package from me and brought it into Shawn and he handed it to Sully, who SCREAMED in excitement when he tore open the package and saw 3 Monster Jam shirts. Everyone around him was so happy for him, and it made alllll worth it..... I'll do almost anything for my kids, including spending 2 hours in a car just so they get some new shirts for an event, haha!

Anyway, Shawn and him only stayed 2 nights so it was a very quick trip. But it was one that my 2 boys (one 37, one 5) will never, EVER forget!

(While the boys were gone, the girls had a little "girls night" complete with The Sound of Music, hot tubbing, face masks, nails and lots of popcorn!)

Also, my greatest guy had a birthday last week! He turned 37 and says he's definitely feeling the aches and pains that come with it! At least he has a couple of years left before he's officially "old." In all seriousness though, February 4th belonged to him and I hope he enjoyed it a bit even though it was a cold and boring work day. We did get out and went to Hibachi for dinner, which the kids LOVED, and his annual King Cake was as delicious as ever! It took 3 days for Sully to finally get the baby on the very last slice! Happy birthday to this man that I love with all my heart!

ONE LAST THING:

The blog books I always talk about? I just had our 2020 one printed. The kids LOVE them. They'll spend hours looking through them.  They basically look like big yearbooks. We keep them under the coffee table so they can look at them whenever they want :)